This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
