So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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