they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
