i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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