it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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