her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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