i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
