he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
