why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
