Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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