make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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