We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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