I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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