Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm passing your future prison.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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