His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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