she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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