mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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