People with herpes should wear stickers.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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