Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
