i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
