I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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