oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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