dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
