I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
