Umm I'm too high to move.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
