Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
