Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
