What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
