was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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