You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
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