Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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