hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
