There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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