I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
This house was built for laser tag.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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