My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
