why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
