I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
