it's too hot outside to masturbate.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
