It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
