chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
