You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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