I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
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I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
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oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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