Your tits are I can't wait for
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
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i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
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Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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