pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
