Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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