He asked to "fluff my boner.."
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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