Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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