Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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