Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm at about main and main street
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
