i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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