I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
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It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
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My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize