Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
