if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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