I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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