my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
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he laminated a picture of his dick.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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