When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
