There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
