He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
