Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She said her name was "party"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
