My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
