hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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