i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
