We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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