$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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