I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
