does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
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Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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