We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
